Am I the asshole for getting mad? I am the blue texts.

submitted by Musky from i.imgur.com

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[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

We should let him know that he's absolutely the asshole in those texts.

This is terrible advice, and literally repeating what Musky did. Aggressively correcting people tends to make them defensive, and gives their defense mechanisms room to paint you as the asshole, and letting them avoid any self-reflection on how their actions were not helping them. Telling Musky he is an asshole is going to be about as effective as telling Mel she is a terrible bitch. Telling Musky as someone who cares about his wellbeing that the way he is responding is counterproductive to what he is trying to accomplish is by far the better tactic here.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    We should be honest. If anyone acts like an asshole (including yours truly), tell them. Very simple. There is absolutely no reason to 'walk on eggshells' around here. Fuck that.

    I guess I just don't see it that way. I don't see this as walking on eggshells, I simply think people are more receptive to criticism when you appeal to their reason and self interest rather than expressing moral outrage. I was honest in saying his reaction wasn't the best way he could have handled that. I have no interest in declaring either party an asshole or bad guy, thats for people who wont change their ways, I don't think its constructive.

    Walking on eggshells to me has a slightly different connotation. I walk around eggshells around trans people, I will specifically not give my honest opinion at all to avoid setting off their fragile feels. I'm not looking to give them constructive criticism like I was with Musky, I just want to go about my day without setting off an exploding trans rage bomb, and I'm not invested in trying to reason to with them

    [–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

    Telling Musky as someone who cares about his wellbeing that the way he is responding is counterproductive to what he is trying to accomplish is by far the better tactic here.

    It's not counterproductive at all, you're assuming what I'm trying to accomplish is to fix things, go back to where we were. That is impossibro. We cannot move forward, we move sideways.

    [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah, I was assuming at the time you sent that you were simply expressing your anger and wanted her to take some responsibility, rather than trying to end things in a cathartic fashion. I may have totally misread the situation

    [–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    I was doing a bunch of things all at once, but I don't know if a cathartic end is one of them. Penghy was before Melody, she died of liver failure. Otter was before Penghy, she died of liver failure. Here's Mel. There's more to this than my feelings, but they're involved too. It's a big tangled ball of bullshit.