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[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (20 children)

Honest opinion?

I think you are making very reasonable requests, 2/3 of them are very polite, #3 seems a bit much. Its understandable you are upset given its third time youve had to make this request, but I think you went from 0 -> 0 -> 100, when 0 -> 25 -> 50 might have been better

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (19 children)

Fuck you.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (18 children)

Fuck me? I was trying to explain to him in a way I thought was understanding of his feelings why he didn't need to call you a bunch of nasty names, while giving him credit for respectfully making his request in the other messages. People tend to take criticism better that way. Wtf is your problem?

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (17 children)

HE'S MAD ABOUT VEGETABLES.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (14 children)

I don't think it's about the vegetables to him. He is uncomfortable about being the subject of conversations between you and smokey, apparently regardless of the context, and feels like you did not respect this after he tried to politely request you not do so. I realize it was likely not your intention to disrespect his wishes, and probably didn't understand that even talking about him in terms of vegetables would qualify as this and upset him. I think he probably finds it hurtful that you dont understand why this hurts his feelings

Again, Musky is my friend, and I didn't want to make it appear I was invalidating his feelings, while encouraging him to resolve conflicts with less nastiness. I don't think what he said was called for, and more importantly isn't constructive for him, or going to help him be happy in relationships. I also don't think coming at him from a purely critical perspective or making it appear I've chosen sides against him is likely to get through to him when he has hurt feelings.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

Notice how if you don’t gaslight Muskrat, Mel is beyond livid. Some how there’s something wrong with muskrat. But no one is calling out Mel for similar horrible behavior. Women are not more mature, they get a pass in everything because they have vaginas.

There’s a user in here defending her, hoping to get closer to her privately.

This is a huge circle jerk for women, and it’s why women should not be in any real workplace, like stem fields.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

That is a very funny take, considering Musky is trying his damndest to gaslight me into thinking I am a smooth brained idiot. I could show screenshots of all of those texts I guess, but I won't.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Do whatever. The relationship is toxic.

[–]Airbus320 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Stick to coding

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is something that you both need to resolve away from a public forum.

[–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have been bugging you to take vitamins to avoid Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome. If I tell you how I feel you say it's emotional manipulation, and when I tell you that you never used to have to be told things over and over again and you don't seem to understand what I tell you, it's gas lighting. Fun.

[–][deleted]  (6 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

    We should let him know that he's absolutely the asshole in those texts.

    This is terrible advice, and literally repeating what Musky did. Aggressively correcting people tends to make them defensive, and gives their defense mechanisms room to paint you as the asshole, and letting them avoid any self-reflection on how their actions were not helping them. Telling Musky he is an asshole is going to be about as effective as telling Mel she is a terrible bitch. Telling Musky as someone who cares about his wellbeing that the way he is responding is counterproductive to what he is trying to accomplish is by far the better tactic here.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      We should be honest. If anyone acts like an asshole (including yours truly), tell them. Very simple. There is absolutely no reason to 'walk on eggshells' around here. Fuck that.

      I guess I just don't see it that way. I don't see this as walking on eggshells, I simply think people are more receptive to criticism when you appeal to their reason and self interest rather than expressing moral outrage. I was honest in saying his reaction wasn't the best way he could have handled that. I have no interest in declaring either party an asshole or bad guy, thats for people who wont change their ways, I don't think its constructive.

      Walking on eggshells to me has a slightly different connotation. I walk around eggshells around trans people, I will specifically not give my honest opinion at all to avoid setting off their fragile feels. I'm not looking to give them constructive criticism like I was with Musky, I just want to go about my day without setting off an exploding trans rage bomb, and I'm not invested in trying to reason to with them

      [–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

      Telling Musky as someone who cares about his wellbeing that the way he is responding is counterproductive to what he is trying to accomplish is by far the better tactic here.

      It's not counterproductive at all, you're assuming what I'm trying to accomplish is to fix things, go back to where we were. That is impossibro. We cannot move forward, we move sideways.

      [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

      Yeah, I was assuming at the time you sent that you were simply expressing your anger and wanted her to take some responsibility, rather than trying to end things in a cathartic fashion. I may have totally misread the situation

      [–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      I was doing a bunch of things all at once, but I don't know if a cathartic end is one of them. Penghy was before Melody, she died of liver failure. Otter was before Penghy, she died of liver failure. Here's Mel. There's more to this than my feelings, but they're involved too. It's a big tangled ball of bullshit.

      [–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      This.

      [–]troubleshooter 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

      oh, vegetables? I thought you said testicles.

      you almost got paid big.

      [–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      It's not about the fucking vegetables, how do you not understand this?

      And don't be mean to HKP, the man is a golden god.