Hello fellow saiditors. So, this is a bit awkward, but I need the advice of you guys and gals and nonbinary folks on a very personal matter. Before I tell you my story, I very much want to make clear that it is not my intent to sound misogynistic or toxically masculine in any way, shape or form, I deeply apologize if I come off as such.

Yesterday while I was praising the leadership of beautiful president Zelensky and arguing with some stupid Russian trolls online, my wife came to me and told me she wanted some time to herself, I said that that was ok, she also said that she was going to have one of her male friends visit her, I said that it was ok as well, she then finally told me not to enter her room and I said I understood. I decided then to spend the rest of the night quietly watching CNN and MSNBC while my wonderful queen gets all of the space she deserves. At around 9 o' clock her friend, mr. Jamal, arrived. He quickly greeted me with a grim; "'Sup bitch?" and I tried to put on a friendly smile as I awkwardly returned his greeting, but he quickly turned his back and headed on to my wife's room to get on with his business here. In a matter of minutes my living room started to reverberate with the loud sounds of my wife's moaning and the characteristic creaking and thumping my old bed seems to make every time my beloved has one of her friends over. It quickly became apparent that they were engaging in le sexy times, but I was happy that she was getting the pleasure she deserves and it's also only fair that disenfranchised minorities like mr. Jamal get the historical reparations that are due to them.

Yet, despite my complete approval of their smashing (pun intended) of the patriarchy and oppression. I couldn't help but feel a little bit annoyed with all of that noise inside the house preventing me from hearing Rachel Meadows' sweet-sounding and melodious voice. Gradually the thumping grew stronger and more powerful, eventually being so vigorous that it knocked my shelves off the wall and my whole collection of Marvel Universe Funko Pops came crashing right on top of me! I decided that enough was enough, I got back up, dusted myself off, gently opened the door to our room and politely asked if they could keep it down a little bit. Both of them got quite angry with my question, Jamal in particular shouted; "Hey faggot, get the fuck out of here!", then he grabbed my Nintendo Switch and threw it right at me! Thankfully I dodged, but it hit the picture of future president Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that I have hanged on my wall and it cracked the frame. AITA?

Edit: Holy marshmallow banana split with nutela... This blew up!

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold, kind strangerino...!

Edit 3:

You folks were right, I am the asshole. My wife was so angry (and rightfully so) with my misbehavior that she didn't let me have sloppy seconds. She also said that my toxic masculinity is getting out of control and she is coming out as polyamorous because it is liberating for her. Jamal and her other 3 boyfriends are moving over and we are all going to raise our kids together as a polycule now.