Is there an equivalent to r/rant or any related relationship venting sub on here?

submitted by Ash from self.AskSaidIt

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[–]Ash[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

Not everything is just black or white. We do have good times and things I really appreciate about him, (intelligence, his love for me, cultured, making me laugh).

Our relationship is more complex than you can see from just one post. I rather try to fix it than just leaving him. You are right as well some things can't be fixed (he doesn't want to have kids, his insecurity, jealousy). And here we go, I'm on it again.

[–]Bigs 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

Oh, insecurity and jealousy? My favs!

I had a kid with a woman like that. Took 4 years before I realized how badly I was wasting my time. Nothing you ever do or say will ever, ever, be enough to overcome their insecurity.

You will have conversations in your head, you will find new and improved ways of saying things, you will search for, even fantasize about, ways of proving your love, devotion, loyalty, how serious you are - none of it means shit to an insecure person.

They are the problem, not you. Don't waste years realizing that. Yes, yes you'll be proving them right by leaving. That's not a reason to stay, and yeah, as you get older you realize life IS pretty black and white.

We can all have shit days, and you can't be happy every single day - but if you know your relationship is making you unhappy, and you don't have kids or other reasons to keep trying? Keep trying anyway, for a while.

No change?

Then stop trying.

[–]Ash[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

You're so spot on with your analysis! I want to say more but he'll be back soon. I caught him going through my browser history in the past- let's not start to talk about E-Mail-Gate. (tldr; Told my fwb that we can't have sexual relations anymore, and that I have met my current partner. Told him that he's not my type but that I'm happy with him, and my former fwb wished me luck. My man read the mail and gave me hell for weeks for being honest!! (shady stuff just going into my emails!). He also hit me now 3 times. And I'm too open and make myself vulnerable on social , and on here.

I'Ve been always truthful about my past and relationshisps. I must sound like a jerk but I'm the best woman he could ever get. Laughing at the troll trying to piss me off. His friends tried get it on with me, he looks like the stereotypical buerocrat, I'm his opposite, younger, wild, doing things with him he would never have done without me! A great cook! The best massages and bj's!, Always trying to support him!

I love your post, is the fact that he's the bad guy in this story. Even, you as stranger can recognize people with mental problems. I don't care if you are woman or a man, you just described my situation to the T. Your Ex, was GAS Lighting and mentally abusing you. I wanna say more but he's back now (my whole post tookme at least 9 minutes to type out) and now he's hereNeed to lock out now

[–]Bigs 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I'm a man :)

Yes, it was abuse. Ironically feminists pushed for mental abuse to be included in 'domestic violence' and rapidly backtracked later...

And yes, had some physical abuse too. Ended up sleeping in the spare room after a threat to pour boiling water in my mouth to stop me snoring. I also consider it abuse, if not kidnapping, that she said if I left I wouldn't see my daughter. She did indeed block access but my baby is a grown woman now and we talk nearly every day on Whatsapp, and you know what? Nothing much has changed with the ex!

Over the last few weeks we've been talking, as we both view the plandemic as a farce and we are both very wary and aware of the serious risks with the vaccines. So for the first time in 20 years or so we have also been chatting on whatsapp - until the other day. Won't bore you with the details but she basically implied I was lying about something, something easily proven and which I already proved to our daughter 3 or 4 years ago and I'm sure they must have talked about. I found myself thinking through how best to try and prove it true, how I would present it... and stopped.

Nope. Not playing that game with that bitch no more, so just sent a thumbs up and haven't replied since. I don't need that shit in my life

Nor do you. x

[–]Ash[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Your situation is ugly and you should be very careful dealing with this unstable person. She already managed to keep you away from your daughter in the past. I'm glad your ex didn't prevent you from having a relationship with your daughter today. She believes you, you proved her some years ago! Why would you risk it inviting Crazy back to your life? You already know that she's messing with you starting with yourself: I found myself thinking through how best to try and prove it true, how I would present it. !Brainwashed! That's so much better: I found myself thinking through how best to try and prove it true, how I would present it... and stopped. Nope. Not playing that game with that bitch no more.

You see, so much better!

Why going back to that? You sorted it out with your daughter. Do you consider going back to her, after she doesn't hold any power over you anymore? Stockholm? There's much more at hand I don't know about and it's not really my business asking you.

[–]Bigs 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Well as said I just sent a thumbs up and quit talking to her. She's got the hint and after sending me a pic about some honey she will give our daughter she's stopped too.

I also realized, if I'm brutally honest with myself, that part of my willingness to talk to her was the fun of rubbing her nose in the fact I've been very happily married for 16 years to a sweet Asian babe, having moved to Asia, where i'm living my dreams. I have the fully tricked-out 4x4 truck and the jungles and terrain to explore I've always dreamed of, the dirt bike, the sporty Subaru and now the sailing yacht I've been after for more years than I remember, all parked in the garden of the lovely detached house in a nice area, where I make my living as a part-time writer with zero debt beyond the mortgage, which is ridiculously low.

In short, I've made my wildest dreams come true. In the meantime my ex is still living in the same council-house, still doing the same bar work and still single as we both head into our mid 50s. The only thing we still have in common is our daughter, disgust as the covid farce and 'hesitancy' over mRNA 'vaccines'.

The only thing missing from my life was my daughter, but I never quite trying and 6 years ago managed to get in touch, when she turned 18. She's even more beautiful that her mother (was. Ha!) and smart, with a little encouragement and some daddy help she got into university and grabbed a degree in design. Right now she's talking to me almost every day as she goes through decisions etc. She apologized the other say and said she uses me like a 'Dear diary' that answers with good advice.

Answered with 'No worries' but can't even express how happy that made me, and was glad she couldn't see my tears. :)

But yeah you're right, continuing to talk with the mother is not a healthy place - and the nose rubbing has been done, so no need to continue lol

:P

[–]Ash[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not in a good place right now but will come back to you. I enjoy your point of view and would like to give you my take, from my female perspective. The last days/weekend were hell and I think that it's unfair responding to you when I'm not well. With all the things going on here, my relationship drama, me having a meltdown, I'm happy to have found find a saidit friend.

[–]LarrySwinger2 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Your story is so wholesome.

[–]Bigs 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

*blink

I'm gonna take that in good faith and so thank you.

:)