lol! If you think that guy is bad... I used to be a no BS government paid fucking spy. Although the line item was under "state and rural highway traffic and marketing data research", technically, not a lie, and it was under $300k for a line item budget that was linked to commerce, the state DOT, and some other agencies as a contractor.. Because of course, if you ask any of those agencies, or ALL of them, they're obviously over worked as it is, and will welcome any help they can get.

Which got us office space a lot of places. Downside being, if the place where you were hot desking, or just mooching a desk/cube they used for storage most of the time, and something critical came down the line, and it was all hands on deck to get it done. Guess what you got to do that day/week. :D

If you were using the copier/printer, and someone was having trouble, and you're a "tech guy", guess who gets to talk with the printer tech before he heads over. Assuming he didn't leave enough parts around to fix the printer, which 70% of the time, it could be made to work, for the day at least. Compressed air in a can, and blasting the chaff/toner out, reseating the idiot switches.. Good to go, maybe..

And figuring out what was wrong with some horrible monstrosity of road repair equipment. OMFG! Why is the volcano dust suppression system on the 6 foot diamond concrete saw not working. Well, one of your jets is only running at 1/3rd maybe. How do you tell? Uh, put a 5 gallon bucket under each jet, run the saw(not on concrete obviously) and see which fills up fastest.

While some of the travails of DOT field office life were a bit sketchy, NOTHING compared with what was going on in countless groups who were plotting greater and lesser treason on their fellow citizens, not just talking shit while drinking beers and shooting bowling pins, but legit evil shit. Sorting the fruits from the nuts, from the schizos, from the no bullshit they're gonna kill someone, homicidal psychos.

Was I on deep infiltration? Nope, FBI does that shit. This was "open source intelligence". I you as Joe Random could attend an open recruitment meeting, a casual social event, yard sale, helping someone fling hay, hang out at a BBQ and shoot sort of event. Then it was just keep your eyes and ears open. And don't rack up any DUIs because some loon decided to see who could do the most shots of Hot Damn, Jim Beam, Wild Turkey, Yukon Jack, Southern Comfort, etc.

Which is apparently a problem with some three later agencies, when their cover ID doesn't have a fucking day job. :D Ya work at the DOT as a contractor, gotta be up 6am. Ok, oh well, see ya later!

Easier on some of the forums where you just talk the talk, wind some people up, and you get to see some crazy shit. A good part of it is BS, but if you know something about weapons, explosives, drugs, various schemes of finance, money laundering, shipping channels. You can tell the real deal from the real bad news pretty quick.

And of course, it was by no means James Fucking Bond shit.. Someone has a family member die and they need to liquidate an estate, and no fucking clue what to do. Well... A previous employer had to do all that shit when her parents died. So, point people in the right direction, burn an EPIC FUCKLOAD OF TRASH, adopt out all the cats and kittens, unload clothing, furniture, etc on all the various charities.

Then once its down to the last 20% that's worth keeping, check the will for anything named to be deeded to whoever, lock that shit up, clean all the scary shit out of the fridge, chlorox the shit out of the kitchen, garage, basement, bathrooms, bust out the shop vac and contractor bags, clean the shit out of everything, weed whack the shit out of everything, tart the place up a little, and designate someone, maybe the kids, who were out of sight, out of mind, to write down who took what from the house to where..

Because in these situations, as I learned as a kid, motherfuckers will rob a god damned house BLIND at a post funeral reception, and then blame it on all the relatives. It also helps to have half a dozen Intel cams, even if they were only good for photos of 800x600 or 640x480, you could do 100+ shots on the internal memory, and its something to show in court, in addition to written records, license plates, car models.

And there in lies the crazy shit. In five years of helping close out maybe 3 estates of any real size, maybe 5 of smaller sizes(as in they lived in a 2 BR 1940s bungalow or similar), evidence I helped gather put a LOT of people in prison for theft at deceased family properties. Not so much for what they stole, or ID scamming, estate/probate scamming, but because they had prior felonies, or pre-trial diversions, probation for other theft, shit where they were just one more fuck up from going to prison for more than just a few years.

Did I help catch the next Maine Dirty Bomber, the next left/right/anarchist terrorist plotter who had a garage full of boom booms? Fuck if I know... Probably not. Odds are if they did something bad enough that suddenly "plain" but fairly fancy for the area vehicles started stalking around them. Relatives they never heard from in 12 years suddenly call them to ask if they "been up to any crazy shit lately because I just saw....." someone they though was a statey, a fed, a detective, skip tracer, who knows.

And suddenly they're in church 3 times a week, attending AA/NA, paying their child support on time, clocking in to work regularly, being "solid citizens". Unless they're chronic fuck ups. Building inspector shows up, and there's a line of half empty 40ozers, and a mess that's a typical "tweaker pack rat mess" , and they're passed out under a shrub.. Well, the good news is, they no longer will owe child support going forward, because they were made to sign away parental rights in return for the contractors license just being suspended for 90 days, while they attend rehab and NA..

So there you see it, for anyone who is legit involved in domestic intelligence gathering, its a whole whole fuckload of depressing and messed up shit. And the crazy part is, once you get used to it, it almost seems kinda "normal". There's No life like Lowlife as they say. :D And your average law abiding, middle of the road, church on Sunday, NFL watching, readers digest reading, top 40 listening, basic bitches, nah.. Not interested.

Get me some crazy bitches with poorly medicated bipolar, borderline personality, recovering speed addict was a 14 year old baby sitter "sister wife" in some crazy messed up shit, and now does people's accounting, manages a GNC.. Yeah, ok, that's a bit more interesting. That last lady we could talk about all sorts of random shit for 12 hours solid. And if something slipped about "my other work", yeah, nothing too shocking, she'd been through that kind of life before.

So there ya go. If you ever had a desire to tighten that tinfoil hat, now ya got it! Although these days, if you wear a full Klan Grand Lizard outfit while fucking a goat on Onlyfans, I could care less. lol!